HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!
In the immortal words of Frank Costanza, "I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna' hear about it."
1. Michael Richards -- Thanks, Michael, now I can't watch Seinfeld reruns without feeling just a little bit dirty inside.
2. Professors Mearsheimer and Walt -- To quote Benny Morris, the revisionist Israeli historian whom the Professors cite extensively to demonstrate Israel's moral failings:
3. Jimmy Carter -- To quote Alan Dershowitz (whom Carter refuses to debate regarding his assertion that Israel is an apartheid state):
4. O.J. Simpson -- Isn't it enough that you literally got away with murder because of an incompetent prosecution, a shameless race baiting defense team, and a frighteningly ignorant jury? Do you really have to continue to torture the families of the victim with a "hypothetical" book about killing their loved ones. Wow, Juice, I really hope you like Hell.
5. Judith Regan -- Not only was it bad enough that you sought to profit from O.J.'s crimes and the suffering of the Goldman and Brown families, but then when you get fired for your colossal amorality, you go ahead and blame your firing on a Jewish cabal. Hey Judith Regan, you stay classy!
6. Mike Nifong -- Speaking of prosecutorial incompetence, or more likely in this, prosecutorial misconduct. This time it was the Durham DA who engaged in despicable race baiting in order to get re-elected. Mr. Nifong, I hope you know a better lawyer than you've proven to be.
7. Mark Foley -- There are literally billions of reasons why the Republicans lost both the House and the Senate in this year's midterms (or more precisely, billions in wasteful earmarks); and yes, Rahm Emmanuel did lie through his teeth when he claimed the Democrats didn't know about Foley's emails months before the election. But wrong is still wrong, and the Republicans shouldn't have put their collective heads in the sand in order to keep a seat.
8. Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, (insert name of overpaid, selfish athlete here) -- Winston Churchill is reputed to have explained that he read the sports pages before the front page in the morning because he wanted to read about man's accomplishments rather than man's failures. If Sir Winston lived in the age of crybabies and steroid monsters that we do, I wonder if he would have read the sports pages at all.
9. Charlie Rangel, Columbia University, and the San Fransisco City School Board -- And the finalists for outstanding achievement in anti-military condescension, harassment, or bias goes to . . .
10. Muqtada al-Sadr and the Jaish al-Mahdi -- Finally, some people are just too stupid to know when they have won. After decades of enduring oppression and massacres at the hands of Iraq's central government, the Shi'a were liberated, and given their chance at creating a functioning democracy that would ensure they would never be persecuted again. But this apparently is not good enough for the JAM, which continues to target innocent Sunni civilians for torture and extra-judicial killings. Instead of sitting back and developing Iraq's oil fields and getting rich, they are in the process of tearing their country down around them. (Of course, this could have something to do with all the Iranian money they are awash in). Too many good men (i.e. Shane Mahaffee) have died because of them. But many more good people, Americans and Iraqis, will die if the JAM isn't stopped. And that is why we can not just walk away and let the extremists have their way with Iraq.
1. Michael Richards -- Thanks, Michael, now I can't watch Seinfeld reruns without feeling just a little bit dirty inside.
2. Professors Mearsheimer and Walt -- To quote Benny Morris, the revisionist Israeli historian whom the Professors cite extensively to demonstrate Israel's moral failings:
[Mearsheimer and Walt's] work is a travesty of the history that I have studied and written for the past two decades. Their work is riddled with shoddiness and defiled by mendacity. Were "The Israel Lobby" an actual person, I would have to say that he did not have a single honest bone in his body.And this is from one of Israel's leading domestic critics!
3. Jimmy Carter -- To quote Alan Dershowitz (whom Carter refuses to debate regarding his assertion that Israel is an apartheid state):
Carter's refusal to debate wouldn't be so strange if it weren't for the fact that he claims that he wrote the book precisely so as to start debate over the issue of the Israel-Palestine peace process. . . . Jimmy Carter isn't brave for beating up on Israel. He's a bully. And like all school-yard bullies, underneath the tough talk and bravado, there's a nagging insecurity and a fear that one day he'll have to answer for himself in a fair fight.
4. O.J. Simpson -- Isn't it enough that you literally got away with murder because of an incompetent prosecution, a shameless race baiting defense team, and a frighteningly ignorant jury? Do you really have to continue to torture the families of the victim with a "hypothetical" book about killing their loved ones. Wow, Juice, I really hope you like Hell.
5. Judith Regan -- Not only was it bad enough that you sought to profit from O.J.'s crimes and the suffering of the Goldman and Brown families, but then when you get fired for your colossal amorality, you go ahead and blame your firing on a Jewish cabal. Hey Judith Regan, you stay classy!
6. Mike Nifong -- Speaking of prosecutorial incompetence, or more likely in this, prosecutorial misconduct. This time it was the Durham DA who engaged in despicable race baiting in order to get re-elected. Mr. Nifong, I hope you know a better lawyer than you've proven to be.
7. Mark Foley -- There are literally billions of reasons why the Republicans lost both the House and the Senate in this year's midterms (or more precisely, billions in wasteful earmarks); and yes, Rahm Emmanuel did lie through his teeth when he claimed the Democrats didn't know about Foley's emails months before the election. But wrong is still wrong, and the Republicans shouldn't have put their collective heads in the sand in order to keep a seat.
8. Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, (insert name of overpaid, selfish athlete here) -- Winston Churchill is reputed to have explained that he read the sports pages before the front page in the morning because he wanted to read about man's accomplishments rather than man's failures. If Sir Winston lived in the age of crybabies and steroid monsters that we do, I wonder if he would have read the sports pages at all.
9. Charlie Rangel, Columbia University, and the San Fransisco City School Board -- And the finalists for outstanding achievement in anti-military condescension, harassment, or bias goes to . . .
10. Muqtada al-Sadr and the Jaish al-Mahdi -- Finally, some people are just too stupid to know when they have won. After decades of enduring oppression and massacres at the hands of Iraq's central government, the Shi'a were liberated, and given their chance at creating a functioning democracy that would ensure they would never be persecuted again. But this apparently is not good enough for the JAM, which continues to target innocent Sunni civilians for torture and extra-judicial killings. Instead of sitting back and developing Iraq's oil fields and getting rich, they are in the process of tearing their country down around them. (Of course, this could have something to do with all the Iranian money they are awash in). Too many good men (i.e. Shane Mahaffee) have died because of them. But many more good people, Americans and Iraqis, will die if the JAM isn't stopped. And that is why we can not just walk away and let the extremists have their way with Iraq.
posted by Ben at 9:01 AM
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